The extremely officially licensed Monty Python tabletop role-playing game.
Latest Updates from Our Project:
October Update: It's...
6 months ago
– Fri, Oct 27, 2023 at 03:31:55 PM
Pedagogical Document Format now available for download via BackerKit. Just use the same link you used to complete your order through BackerKit; there you will find this modern, monstrous, dare we say mind-altering piece of pedigotial pettifoggery, in all of its digital glory.
Please be so kind as to set aside the next 48-178 hours to examining the Programme and sending us excited plaudits or horrified abuse, as befits your reaction. We'll be back soon with more updates, but for now, reap the fruits of the seeds you sowed through your admirable backing and unwavering emotional support.
All the best,
Exalted Funeral & Crowbar Creative
September Update: The Earth's Axial Tilt
7 months ago
– Wed, Sep 27, 2023 at 03:47:20 PM
Autumn Is Upon Us!
We wish you all a festive fall! Well, those of you in the Northern Hemisphere anyway. For those of you south of the Equator, we wish you a prosperous...er...foresummer...? It's all very confusing.
Wherever you are, we want to say, again, how grateful we are for the all the positivity, support, and encouragement you sent our way after last month's update. It meant a great deal to all of us (except Craig, who said 'What? Where?' and stared blankly at his carrots until he was sent back to the writing dungeon). We are fortunate to have such excellent and admirable backers, and it only makes us want to push ever harder to make the best Programme we can and get it to you as quickly as possible.
And Now for Something Completely Book Related
It's...laid out. First three chapters are laid out, proofed, and approved. Middle three chapters are laid out, proofed, and awaiting approval. Final three chapters are laid out and undergoing proofing, then off to our beloved overlords for approval. Amongst its many specifications are such data points as:
That 250-page seedling we planted? She has blossomed into a sturdy 352-page oak. Perhaps an inapt metaphor, since an increased number of trees will be murdered as a result. But you, dear backer, are the beneficiary of 102 more pages of stuff. If the page count sounds intimidating, take heart. The hard-core rulesy chapter is only 16 pages, and it's got lots of pictures. There's some soft-core rulesiness in the Participant Primer and Head of Light Entertainment Handbook, too, but the vast majority of the book is comprised not of rules to consult and memorize, but of content to mine, throttle, and plumb as you see fit: equipment, creatures, quests, etc. Which is to say, we hope we've stuck to our ballistae on this being a quick-to-learn, pick-up-and-programme style programme.
Writing of pictures, there are more than 100 and less than 200,000. To be honest, we lost count a long time ago. We know there are in excess of 100, because we commissioned more than that, and we've stuffed in several billion official and vintage illustrations as well.
We are close enough to the finish line that we can announce that, barring any unforeseen approvals snafus, you will have the pdf in October. The approvals are out of our control, but our licensor has been incredibly (literally, it's almost unprecedented in the history of licensed reenactment publishing) accommodating and supportive, so we feel good about having it to you before you begin hallowing your saints.
Here are a brace of Trait and HoLE Persona spreads from Chapter IV and Chapter VI, respectively.
The Druidry spread, stuffed with 10 all-natural Accoutrements!
The Purpose spread, infused with 10 sanctified Accoutrements!
Head of Light Entertainment Cardinal Ximinez, complete with unexpected Beshrewments!
Head of Light Entertainment Mrs. Wilma Puremanse, complete with sanctimonious Beshrewments!
And Now for Somethings Completely Non-Book Related
Here's a debrief on all the supplementary materials:
Fetchez la Vache!: Board design is complete and prototyping is in progress. Checkers, meeples, and dice are in the second round of prototyping, after we found some colour improvements were called for. The catapult redesign is done, and the new prototype is being made now. We'll share photos of all prototypes as we get them.
As for Squashez les Anglais! and the wall component, both of which you unlocked as Stretch Goals, we added sections to the instruction booklet for both. Squashez is its own standalone recreation, as you know. The wall is more than a mere physical obstacle; it has been incorporated into the rules for both Squashez and Fetchez la Vache. In fact, we created an entire variation of Fetchez la Vache (FLV a la Lombard) that incorporates the wall and the board design in a new way. It might be overstating things to say that this version constitutes and entirely new recreation, but it's fair to say that the 3-in-1 set is now more of a 3.5-in-1 set.
The prototype for the Head of Light Entertainment Screen has been approved and we are finalising the layout for the back of the screen. We're also finalising the screen packaging, which will contain the screen, its moving components, and the 18 Head of Light Entertainment heads...no small feat considering the egos to be contained therein.
Dice (standard and albatross editions): We caught a design error on the prototypes of three of the 12 dice, so we're having new molds made for them. Not a big deal in terms of delivery schedule; just keeping you apprised!
And Now for...It's Gone Stale Hasn't It? To the Well Once To Often with That Reference? Yes, Quite Right. So Here's an Art Update
We've are in receipt of the stained-glass piece for the new quest, The Figgit for the Isle of Wiggit. Irina Shirokova has strewthed it, as usual--at least we think so. Hope you agree!
Snails, garlic, and French persons. Name a more classic trio.
And so concludes our September update. We will, of course, update you the moment we have news on the fulfillment of your orders. For now, things are progressing smoothly--and rapidly, we're happy to say!--so, what we can tell you is that we haven't hit any big snags or suffered any setbacks. (Pausing to smash every single piece of wood in the reenactment office to smithereens.)
As always, if you have questions, feedback, or comments, don't bottle them up. Let fly in the comments, and we'll do our best to respond to everything. If you have questions about your order, the pledge manager, address changes, and the like,[email protected] is the place to be.
Thank you and we wish you a bountiful harvest this autumn/foresummer/whathaveyou!
Exalted Funeral & Crowbar Creative
August Update: Bonus Quest & Fulfilment Update
8 months ago
– Thu, Aug 31, 2023 at 11:29:35 PM
Hi all,
Quite a bit to cover this month, so first, the fun...
Bonus Quest: The Figgit for the Isle of Wiggit
True to form, Mr. Creoste has bloated to absolutely unreasonable proportions. The quest 'King Creosote's Craw(l)' is a full (dare we say overfull?) 10k words plus maps. It's so large that it won't fit in the book! So we've swapped in a new quest: 'The Figgit for the Isle of Wiggit', in which those galling Gauls, led by Marquis Guy de Lombard, have invaded The Isle of Wight, surely a mere precursor to a larger invasion of the Sceptred Isle. They must be driven back across the channel–or into it, just as good–and the Garden Isle reclaimed so that future generations will have a place to gather in large numbers, listen to loud music, and vomit.
To expel the invaders, PCs will have to undertake an insurgency campaign, which will involve some or all of the following [spoiler alert: skip this section if you want to be surprised]:
Disrupt Butter Production at La Beurrerie at Calbourne
Disrupt Snail Farming at La Escargotière at Godshill
Spoil the Garlic Festival at Newchurch Towne
Free Ealdorman Wigheard from the dungeons of Carisbrooke Castle
Wake the Wights at Five Barrows, Brook Down
Release the Undead Roman Legion at Brading Down
Beat the French at Fetchez la Vache in Whitwell
Sack a Coastal Fort
Or even sack Carisbrooke Castle and capture Marquis Guy de Lombard himself!
In addition, this quest presents an exceptional opportunity to recreate the ignoble ‘sport’ of Fetchez la Vache, as well as the castle siege simulation of Squashez les Anglais.
For those of you who were excited about crawling around inside King Creosote, fret not! We are going to release that quest as a pdf for free to our backers, alongside the book. It's ready to go, right down to cartography by Paul Dee, see [spoiler alert: scroll past it quickly if you want to be surprised]?
So, all in all, you're getting 11 quests, not 10. Jolly good.
Fulfillment Update
And now, the decidedly less fun. We are on track to get the PDF of the book to you in October, but we must unhappily announce that physical rewards will not be delivered in October as originally planned. The text and art are finished. Layout is halfway done. Prototyping is 50% done. So we are close to the end, but getting all the materials sourced, manufacturing specs locked, approvals on everything, items on a boat and through customs, and everything packed up and shipped to you is going to take us beyond October. We can't give you an exact date yet, as there are still lots of variables spinning around, but we are working our bottoms off to get those packages on your doorsteps as fast as possible. We are much, much closer to the end than the beginning, so we hope you will hang in there as we careen down the home stretch.
We are, all of us, very disappointed that we are going to miss our October fulfillment date. It stinks to back a project and wait patiently for fulfilment, only to be asked to wait just a bit more. We will continue to update you each month, and we are happy to answer any questions you have--just keep in mind that we don't have an answer yet for the big question, 'When will I get my stuff?' Right now, we have a pretty broad window, and we might have things to you on the early side of that, but we don't want to give you a date now, then have to come back and push it back later. In other words, we want to make sure that when we do give you a date, we are 100% confident in it.
Spread Peek
We do have some spreads from the book to show. These are almost final; only thing they lack is final pre-press proofing and filling in of page citations and links. Hope you like them!
From Ch1. Introduction
From Ch2. A Brief Historical Remediation for Those Who Didn't Apply Themselves at School
From the Factions section of Ch2.
Opener for Ch3. How the Programme Programmes.
From Ch3.
From Ch3.
Thank you for your continued support. As always, reach out to us at [email protected] if you have any questions about your order or the pledge manager.
All our best,
Exalted Funeral & Crowbar Creative
July Update: Art Reveals and Manufacturation
9 months ago
– Fri, Jul 28, 2023 at 01:21:22 PM
Fair winds and following seas to our fellow treaders of the seas of history!
Artiness
We now have final art for all 10 Situations, all 12 starting retainers, all 18 Head of Light Entertainment Personae, all 10 Quests, and 30 of the 60 unique Non-Participant Characters and creatures that make an appearance in the Programme.
Let's meet four of the Heads of Light Entertainment Personae that your facilitator will be adopting during the course of the Programme, though hopefully not simultaneously (art by Kyle Patterson):
Dino Vercotti
Somehow, the notorious East End gangster from Sicily has infiltrated the BBC. How did he get past security? Can’t they tell the difference between a sleazy extortionist in a pinstripe suit and a television executive?
Jimmy Buzzard
The famed former midfielder for Jarrow United FC is in charge of things, and, as you’d imagine, he goes in for sport. So on with the trainers and let’s have a cracking match. It seems the arch-thinking, free-scheming, scarcely-ever-to-be-curbed footballer isn’t entirely clear that he’s not in charge of sports programming. Probably something to do with the difficulty he has understanding polysyllabic words. Still, he is quite popular, which is why his newly opened boutique is doing so well. Also, he calls every Participant 'Brian'.
Prof. Nigel Hampsterplanet, PhD, FBA, FRHistS, FRSL, FAcSS (pending), FRS, FSA, MCIfA (formerly), MBAA, FSMA, FSA Scot (contested), FSAI, SPMA (Society for Post-Mediaeval Archaeology…not that other thing.)
This distinguished academic is a classically trained Historian and deeply committed to authenticity and accuracy. He’s as tweedy as they come, and he’s as put off by electronical gizmos at the table as he is by reenactment participants making a mockery of History. Capital H. Always.
The Wonderful Timmy Williams
A bonafide celebrity and man-about-town – isn’t it sooper! He’s surrounded by biographers, journalists, camerapeople, boom mic operator, and paparazzi, all hanging on his every word and telling him how triffic he is. Marvellous…really really sooper.
And here are four of the ten highly inspirational images that accompany each quest (art by Irina Shirokova). We really need a chapel to house these. Anybody out there own one?
Four Quest Panels
Clockwise from top-left: The Grail National, Piranhas in the Thames, Close Encounters of Dessert Kind, The Wost Wegion.
Factories Firing
Fans of factories rejoice! Production has begun on non-book components.
I approve of this sentiment.
Here are final prototypes of Merit/Demerit tokens and bag:
Layout is rolling along. We're about halfway through that process, and we'll sneak you some peeks when we have licensor approval of the first batch.
If you have any questions in the meantime about the pledge manager and/or your order, please reach out to [email protected].
Thank you, one and all, for following along, providing feedback, and all the tins of Spam. We didn't know it came in 82 kg tubs.
Exalted Funeral & Crowbar Creative
Update Besieged with Art!
10 months ago
– Fri, Jun 30, 2023 at 01:45:11 PM
Happy summer to you, dear backers. Specifically those residing in the northern hemisphere. To those in the southern hemisphere, happy winter. To our equatorial friends, happy rainy season. To our extraplanetary backers, please remit the extra $7.2 million for shipping.
Lay Siege
The dice catapults are engineerified, prototypicated, and ready for deployment to your reeanctment tables.
Hands sold separately.
Note to designer: Please add some blurring effects to simulate high-velocity movement action. Note to Nigel: How's that? Note to designer: Smashing!
Head of Light Entertainment Portraits
Final art by Zak Pullen for our directory of HoLEs is in. Here are six of the 18.
Ralph the Wonder Llama, Wilma Puremanse, Priscilla Mortar & Pestle, a Penguin, Gary "Gazza" Belladonna, Bob N. Cork.,
Situational Art
Final sketches from Elliot Lang have arrived. They arrived some time ago, in fact, and Elliot is already on to final renderings, which we'll share as they come in. For now, here are 8 of the 10 Situations.
Knight
Ah, the armour-clad archetype of the Mediaeval Period! Thundering ‘cross down, through forest, o’er bridge on noble errands and deeds of derring-do. With bright steel in your hand and your trusty manservant schlepping the rest of your shit, you are the embodiment of the Chivalric Code – which upholds, among other things, that you prefer fair fights and that you’re to keep your naughty bits to yourself.
Enchanter
Whether you’re an alchemist with a king for a patron, a pagan sorcerer lobbing fireballs at mountainsides, or a kindly hedge wizard who performs inflated sheep’s bladder tricks at birthday parties, you are a master of the arcane arts, capable of astounding and probably heretical feats of magic. You attempt to harness the powers of elemental nature and chaos to your own ends, and as a result your own end is rarely natural and often quite chaotic.
Eremite
At some point, you grew weary of the modern world and all its striving, trying, and peopling. So you withdrew to nature to live in contemplative isolation and profound body odour. Squatting in caves eating acorns is not without advantage: you are most hale, exude great mental fortitude, and can even peer into the future at times. Also, you must always be naked, or nearly so. An occasional, temporary disguise might be tolerable, but you can’t go for very long without full exposure.
Churl
The peasantry: the stout backs upon which the feudal system was built! You are the salt of the earth, the bucolic beast of burden, a malnourished member of the unwashed masses. You’ve no title, but plenty of rank (yuck!). Free from the burden of fate and expectations, you can be almost anything, except welcomed in polite society. No one likes a climber.
Monk/Nun
Devout ascetics and service-oriented types who aren’t overly concerned with proselytising. Exactly how you are to behave, what you value, how you view the world, and what is expected of you by God are determined by your Order. If you choose an Order (or religion for that matter) not covered in this book, you should work with your Head of Light Entertainment to determine the rules you’re meant to live by. Or just tell them how it is – who are they to come between you and God? Who do they think they are, the Pope? That’s heresy! Or maybe you thinking that is. Or maybe you thinking that maybe you thinking that is. Now you see why self-flagellation was such a popular pastime in monasteries and convents, along with brewing beer and oral sex.
Monarch
The Middle Ages were teeming with monarchs, some exalted high kings and queens holding court in great fortresses, others little more than upjumped warlords scheming in swamp castles. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, but at least you’ll have considerably less shit all over you, relatively speaking.
Knave
Well, we can’t all be heroes, can we? You weren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth, and if you had been, you’d have pawned it for summat a tad more useful long ago. You’re practical – one might even say the only reasonable type of person in a world that’s got things backwards! You get by on your wits, as the fellow says. And by 'wits' we mean nimble fingers and a penchant for not dying every time a plague, bloodthirsty tyrant, or do-gooder knight comes along.
Cleric
You are a person of the cloth, fine cloth, trained in theology and released into the dark, mortal forest with the light of the Almighty shining from every orifice. You might be a person of high standing, like a bishop, a humble village vicar, or a righteous adventuring sort who seeks out evil and smites it with a mace. Regardless, your mission is to split the world open and stuff it full of the Good Word. Plus, you can probably read – maybe even Latin! – unless you’re one of those ex officio wankers.
As for the rest of it, layout is going well. Chandler Vines and Chris Doughman are tag-teaming the job, and so far we've got 3 of the 9 chapters formatted for print. We'll be back next month with another update, but if you have any questions in the meantime about the pledge manager and/or your order, please reach out to [email protected].
